Haunted By My Thoughts

 They say silence is gold. If that’s the case then I must be the richest person on earth, well technically I am - not exactly the richest though. I took in a long breath as I closed my eyes. I felt my lungs being overflowed with air and feeling the tension drain from my body as I exhaled. I love being alone but loneliness and being alone are very different from each other.

 As much as my brain was telling me to scream and my heart was telling me to cry; my conscience told me to smile; so I did. Sure I had no one to share it with but I couldn’t help being the only person on earth with a beating heart. I wish I could tell you an eventful and exciting story about a zombie apocalypse or a fatal disease that wiped out the earth’s population but unfortunately I can’t since I have no idea what actually happened.

 On the 9^th of June, Year 4145; I woke up like I did on the 8^th and the 7^th and all the previous days, except I couldn’t find anyone. It was like God was hosting a magic show, with me as the audience and the whole world as the volunteers; and to everyone’s surprise he was a fraud that could only make them disappear into thin air yet couldn’t bring them back.

 You can probably imagine how it felt at first for a 17 year old; I was on top of the world. There was no one to tell me what to do nor anything I couldn’t have. I wasn’t forced to go to my personal hell also known as school. Every teenager has dreamt of this ideal moment before, but I guarantee that they had no idea what it’d feel like after they’d try to open and close their eyes constantly trying to wake up from this nightmare in disguise. Sure I was still alive but food no longer appealed to me, warmth always felt numbingly cold and my eyes were as empty as the sky is in a bright city that blocked all the stars from being perceived.

 I hugged my knees closer to my chest as I shook with fright. After 7 years, I can assure you that silence can make anyone crazy. Not necessarily mentally ill but being alone with your thoughts everyday for all these years doesn’t exactly make you mentally healthy either. I stood up on my legs that felt more like noodles than a body part; after all I have been surviving on the hundreds of white bean cans -that had a very mellow, starchy and buttery taste- my mom stored in case of an emergency. I can’t put to words how much I miss her. The warmth of her hugs and the echo of her contagious laugh gave me goose bumps and momentarily made me forget about my horrible situation.

 As the wonderful daydream in my head faded away I walked up to my double glazed window with a plastic veneer and pushed the side of the denim blue ragged curtains to look outside. I squinted my eyes at the brightness of the sun that now has gotten a lot more close to Earth than it was in the 3000’s. I put on a pair of sunglasses and an old white jacket to protect myself from all the ultraviolet rays.

 I made my way towards the door of the house and looked through the eye hole in hope of seeing someone. I do that every single day yet no one seems to appear. Hopefully some other day. I sighed and twisted the door knob to open the door. As I took a step outside I heard a loud squawk coming from the sky. I rushed back inside and slammed the door shut. “That was close.” I whispered to myself with a hoarse voice. After all I barely talk to anyone these days. With the heat and radiation's increment on earth it caused several animals to evolve in order to adapt with their new surroundings. Birds have gotten ten times larger, wild cats have developed longer fangs and claws and fish look like the ones on the 3rd chapter of my old science book. It talked about dinosaurs.

 Ever since my 18th birthday I’ve decided to go out into the world to maybe find someone that was still alive. No matter how much I’ve tried, I’d take one step outside and go back inside again. I’ll try again tomorrow. I promise. I steadily limped to my ‘bed’ which was basically a dirty old mattress filled with dust on the floor and lied there while looking up at the ceiling.  Sometimes all you can do is lie in bed and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.

 I closed my eyes begging and praying to see his eyes just one more time. He told me I had stars in my eyes but they were just a pitiful reflection of the galaxies in his. I didn't feel butterflies in my stomach when he said my name; I felt a thousand stars exploding in my chest at the same time. His emerald green eyes were imprinted in my everyday dreams. The dimple on the corner of his cheek would be a better replacement for any bed to sleep in. Sitting with him felt more like home than any other house I’ve lived in ever did. Except he was gone just like the rest of them. Slowly I drifted off to sleep as if I was indulged by a cloud carrying me off into the horizon.

 I felt a pair of hands shaking my shoulder trying to wake me up. I opened my eyes slowly to see a body hovering over me with a face covered in a mask. Terrified to have the feeling of any human contact after all these years, I swiftly grabbed the knife I kept under the mattress in case of emergencies and stabbed it into the chest of the trespasser.

 The body collapsed next to me bleeding a river of red all over the floor. Whoever it was, it wasn't moving anymore. I stood over it to have a better look at my victim. I shuddered at the look of the lifeless body. It was a male. Must be in his 20’s. He was broad shouldered and quite muscular. He also looks much stronger than I am, it must be a miracle that I had the ability of beating him. He had several tattoos all over his arms that looked very familiar. With widened eyes and a broken heart I removed his mask to reveal the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen; in which I saw Neptune, Jupiter and Pluto. I saw the Milky Way; I saw the whole universe in them. That’s when I realized I just killed the chances of my own wish coming true.